600+ Funniest Instagram Bios

Check out this huge list of the funniest Instagram bios to really make your Instagram bio stand out!
600+ Funniest Instagram Bios

You know yourself when you go on Instagram, it's hard not to get sucked in reading people's bios and status.

Some of them are really cool and creative, and they do this for a good reason and that is because first impressions count.  And it's just as true on social media as it is in real life.

Instagram bios are the first thing that people will see when they across you account, so you need to make an impact.  Sometimes, it can even help someone decide whether to follow you or not or click through to your website.  So regardless of whether you're an individual, a business, blogger or professional trying to attract new followers, it's super important to make sure that your bio really sells you and what you do, so that you can grow your audience.

Many people just chuck in a few adjectives into their bio and hope for the best.  Others put that much information in there that people don't bother reading them.  So what you want to do is go with something in between these two extremes.

Maybe go with something personal, come up with something that is creative or obscure, basically something that people haven't seen before, and makes them stop in their tracks to read.  It doesn't have to your entire life story, just something that is unique and personal to you.  You could also add a bit of humour to your bio, which is what I recommend.  In fact, a funny bio can encourage Instagrammers to explore your profile further and follow you.  On the contrary, if you have a boring or vague bio, then you will lose your user's attention (which is typically only a few seconds).

Here's some more hints and tips for you and some key points you should consider when coming up with a bio.  However, if you’re not a natural comedian or you lack creativity, then don't worry, just skip ahead to the epic list of funny Instagram bio ideas that I have compiled for you to help you stand out from the zillions of other photo fanatics on the app!

Hints and tips to help you create the ultimate Instagram bio

  • Get straight to the point - Whether you're a business, blogger or professional trying to get more followers, then your bio really needs to sell what it is that you do.  So make it clear what your page is about and spell out what users will get in return for following you.  But don't use too much text, as it will bore people before they've finished reading!
  • Make it funny and creative - Give people a reason to like you and show your personality by making it funny, querky and creative.  If you're a terrible comedian and your jokes aren't funny, then check out the list below for some inspiration.
  • You need your bio to match what your target audience is looking for.  Rather than just focusing on numbers of followers, aim to reach genuine followers that are actually going to like and comment on your content.  Use your bio to help you do this.
  • Use your name, whether it's your personal name, a company name or blog name.  Just make sure the name on your bio is consistent with your other social profiles across the web so that people know it's actually you and not an imitator.
  • Add your skills - If you're particularly good at something, include this in your bio.  It helps you stand out and tells people what you or your business is about.
  • Add keywords - Keywords won't necessarily make your profile more visible, but it will help users to decide whether your account is relevant to them or not and helps to inform them of what you have to offer.
  • Website link - Always include your website link, which goes without saying really.  You should use this link (there's only one allowed on Instragram) to send followers to your home page or blog.
  • Use Emojis! - I LOVE emojis and so should you!  Use them in your bio to space out the text a bit and break up chunks of text.  It also adds a bit of color to your bio.  A perfect example of this is @tinker_travels.
  • Finally, consider adding a branded hashtag to your bio, change the font of your bio to stand out, add bullet points so that your bio is more bite-sized, add a call-to-action (like the @cherrybombemag does) and even include your opening hours and location if you're a bricks and mortar business.

600+ Funniest Instagram Bios

If you don't fancy coming up with a creative bio youreslf, or can't think of anything, then there's enough inspiration here so that you could have a different funny bio every day if you wanted to! Enjoy :)

  1. “You can play the game, or you can change the game”
  2. “I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacationTwice a year”
  3. “GO CONFIDENTLY IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR DREAMS AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE IMAGINED —HENRY DAVID THOREAU”
  4. “Espresso Drinker, eReader Addict, Blogger I’m exceptionally occupied and wonderful”
  5. “I’ve dedicated this page to documenting the Coach reboot that never happened”
  6. “It’s very difficult to be great Losers prove this point continuously”
  7. “Things just ain’t the same for gangstas”
  8. “Too busy to update a bio”
  9. “Forcefully earliest stages and stuff”
  10. “Life is too short to update Instagram bios”
  11. “OMG nobody cares”
  12. “Save paper, don’t do homework”
  13. “The strawberry shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells”
  14. “I’m a Texan with loads of suppositions and beautiful hair”
  15. “Say happy birthday in Spanish”
  16. “If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment”
  17. “Pleasant fellows completion lunch”
  18. “I as of late surrendered Warcraft so my efficiency, and drinking, have expanded significantly”
  19. “THERE CAME A TIME WHEN THE RISK TO REMAIN TIGHT IN THE BUD WAS MORE PAINFUL THAN THE RISK IT TOOK TO BLOSSOM – ANAÏS NIN”
  20. “Work until you signature becomes an autograph”
  21. “Recuperating frozen yogurt fanatic”
  22. “Why look up at the stars when the biggest star is me”
  23. “Just keep swimming”
  24. “You are wicked”
  25. “Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey”
  26. “Work until expensive become cheap”
  27. “You’re too rad to ever be miserable”
  28. “Silence is the best response to a fool”
  29. “1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d”
  30. “I am best served with coffee and a side of sarcasm”
  31. “You can tail me in the event that you feel like it You can likewise put nutty spread in your butt hole, in the”
  32. “I am coming back to face the reality that a normal day is not beer on the beach or calamari in the belly”
  33. “Live, Love, Laugh If that does not work, load, aim and fire”
  34. “Totally ungainly, proudest of geek & nerd, decreaser of world sucking”
  35. “I work an unpaid internship as a professional nerd”
  36. “I have to be successful because I have expensive taste”
  37. “I still miss my ex – but guess what? My aim is getting better”
  38. “Completely clumsy, proudest of geek & nerd, decreaser of world sucking”
  39. “Amigo, would you be able to standard?”
  40. “If it does not challenge you, it won’t change you”
  41. “Kill them with success and bury them with a smile”
  42. “Do you remember my Instagram username I locked myself out and I do not know what to do”
  43. “I still don’t understand Twitter, but here I am”
  44. “Girls be like no makeup!”
  45. “I trust one day I adore something the route ladies in advertisements love yogurt”
  46. “Hustle until your haters start asking you for a job”
  47. “Oh, I’m sorry was my sass too much for you?”
  48. “I say no to alcohol Daily, it just doesn’t listen”
  49. “Stay classy”
  50. “If you want to go big, stop thinking small”
  51. “Sometime in the not so distant future, there will be a redesigned form of me”
  52. “Mother said life is similar to a case of chocolates, you never realize what your gonna get”
  53. “Pleasant gentlemen completion lunch”
  54. “People call me ” Mike” But, you can call me tonight”
  55. “You can’t alter doltish, regardless of the amount of conduit tape you use over their mouth!”
  56. “Proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants”
  57. “Perfect has 7 letters and so does mee ee ee Coincidence? I think not”
  58. “I put the hot in maniacal”
  59. “If Girls are Oscar, then I am Leonardo DiCaprio”
  60. “Don’t judge me I was born to awesomeie, Not Perfect”
  61. “A Caffeine-dependent life-form”
  62. “I’m not shrewd I simply wear glasses”
  63. “I once sniffled a beanie weenie through my nose I likewise made a stallion swoon in Costa Rica”
  64. “Words cannot express my love & passion for Fridays!”
  65. “I have this new hypothesis that human immaturity doesn’t end until your mid thirties”
  66. “The main thing preventing me from being immaculate white rubbish is my absence of inspiration”
  67. “It’s Weird that all pics shared from Instagram are always blurring”
  68. “Never try to teach a pig to sing- it wastes your time and annoys the pig”
  69. “I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too”
  70. “Think ambitiously (little textual style)”
  71. “I am not sure the number of problems that I have because mathematics is one of the primary problems”
  72. “It’s Weird that all pics shared from Instagram are continually obscuring”
  73. “Probably the best meat eater in the world”
  74. “I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing”
  75. “I always feel sad for seedless watermelons, because what if they wanted babies?”
  76. “I just rap occasionally”
  77. “Never trade respect for attention”
  78. “So I just started Instagram But be warned! I will take pictures of funny and maybe disturbing contents of things Follow me if you dare! Or you can just follow me to make me feel cool”
  79. “That ungainly minute you get acknowledged to all the schools you requested”
  80. “I’m beginning to like Instagram, which is strange on the grounds that I detest pictures”
  81. “People of my age are busy with Relation, break up, heart break, patch ups and I am still figuring out a way to wake up before 10 am”
  82. “I as of late surrendered Warcraft so my efficiency, and drinking, have expanded drastically”
  83. “In search of sleep, sanity, & The Shire”
  84. “You is caring, you is savvy, you is vital”
  85. “Beer is proof God Loves us and wants us to be happy”
  86. “Not all men are fools, some stay single”
  87. “On the off chance that you don’t have anything pleasant to say, come sit by me, and we can ridicule individuals”
  88. “Rich is not a goal Five million in three years is”
  89. “Why to look up at the stars when the biggest star is me”
  90. “I hold the key to the secrets of the universe I just can’t find the lock”
  91. “A man of puzzle and force, whose force is surpassed just by his secret”
  92. “The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
  93. “I’m going to update my Bio…but better you focus on your own”
  94. “I swear Instagram the new Photoshop for some ugly bitches trying to look cute LOL”
  95. “Simply one more paper cut survivor”
  96. “Simply a man who sufficiently minded to attempt”
  97. “Stay tasteful”
  98. “It hurts when you have someone in your heart but not in your arms”
  99. “Try not to think for a brief moment that I really mind what you need to say”
  100. “Millennial and proud of it”
  101. “I’m a Texan with bunches of sentiments and beautiful hair”
  102. “Generally, the path of least resistance appeals Also, I am excellent at parallel parking”
  103. “Never laugh at your wife choices you are one of them”
  104. “Born to express, not to impress”
  105. “Save water, drink beer”
  106. “Super cali swagilistic provocative hella dopeness”
  107. “Wait, where am I? How did I get in here?”
  108. “Life is dumb and I want to sleep”
  109. “Weird is a side effect of grand”
  110. “Hoot and a half and I got a killer rack”
  111. “They say success changes you, but it takes “change” to be successful”
  112. “Being a gentleman never goes out of style”
  113. “When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for two and a half years”
  114. “One person’s LOL is another’s WTF”
  115. “I’m not certain what number of issues I have in light of the fact that math is one of them”
  116. “Simple during childbirth, computerized by outline”
  117. “I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not”
  118. “Welcome to my Instagram feed, where people come to enjoy me”
  119. “That awkward moment you get accepted to all the schools you applied for”
  120. “I put the hot in insane”
  121. “Instagram is like twitter, but it is for people who can’t read!”
  122. “Embed self important stuff about myself here”
  123. “If you are about to quit, remember why you started”
  124. “‘????’ without ‘????’ is just ‘eh’”
  125. “Time flies… After you hit the snooze button”
  126. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions”
  127. “You’re a 10, on the pH scale… Cuz you’re basic”
  128. “Listen to your heart, and it knows everything”
  129. “Despite everything I don’t comprehend Twitter, however here I am”
  130. “I shouldn’t be permitted to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m tipsy!”
  131. “The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!”
  132. “Sorry about those messages that I sent you last night, my Instagram was drunk”
  133. “My relationship status? Netflix, Oreo’s and warm up pants”
  134. “Mom said life is similar to a container of chocolates, you never realize what your gonna get”
  135. “I lean toward my plays on words expected”
  136. “The reason I like you is simple, love, laughter, and your smile”
  137. “I’m here to evade companions on Facebook”
  138. “The main thing preventing me from being immaculate white refuse is my absence of inspiration”
  139. “Outdoors is purposes”
  140. “By and large, the easy way out appeals Additionally, I am fantastic at parallel stopping”
  141. “Study economics-when you’re unemployed, at least you’ll know why”
  142. “Life is tough but I am tougher”
  143. “My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner”
  144. “Hey, are you reading my bio again?”
  145. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right”
  146. “Anyone knows my Instagram username not making a new account again”
  147. “Always give your 100 percent …unless you’re donating blood”
  148. “I’m really not amusing I’m just truly mean and individuals think I am kidding”
  149. “I’m not happy its “Friday” I’m happy its “Today” Love your life 7 days a week”
  150. “Don’t think for a second that I actually care what you have to say”

    Funny Instagram quote

  151. “I’m a Texan with lots of opinions and pretty hair”
  152. “Analogue at birth, digital by design”
  153. “Can someone tell me my Instagram username I locked myself out and I do not know what to do”
  154. “I have this new hypothesis that human youthfulness doesn’t end until your mid thirties”
  155. “I am returning to face the truth that an ordinary day is not lager on the shoreline or calamari in the stomach”
  156. “If you don’t mind embed self important poo about myself here”
  157. “Math: Mental Abuse To Humans”
  158. “I ran into my ex today… Put it in reverse and did it again!!!”
  159. “you’re a 10, on the pH scale, possibly Cuz you’re fundamental”
  160. “God favor this chaotic situation”
  161. “I’m really a giant cupcake Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice/”
  162. “Camping is intents”
  163. “Oh I’m sorry was my sass too much for you?”
  164. “Just Swag young ladies are interested by hashtags on the Facebook”
  165. “The fat on my body is originator”
  166. “There is no other woman in the world like you I am the luckiest man alive to be able to call you mine”
  167. “I generally feel dismal for seedless watermelons, in light of the fact that imagine a scenario in which they needed children”
  168. “Of course, life is a bitch if it were a slut it would be easy”
  169. “event that you feel like it”
  170. “I have not failed…my success just postponed for some time”
  171. “I’m a power to be figured with, I figure”
  172. “Champ of World’s Best Wife Award (Category: Nagging)”
  173. “Due to an intense mind fog, all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice”
  174. “Eating an entire apple center in light of the fact that you can’t be tried setting off to the container, let it be”
  175. “It is better to have one loyal woman by your side than ten fake friends”
  176. “I will win, not immediately but definitely”
  177. “All I have ever wanted to be is who I am becoming”
  178. “You can tail me in the event that you feel like it You can likewise put nutty spread in your butthole, on the off chance that you feel like it”
  179. “I Can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why”
  180. “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker”
  181. “WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR YOU THINK YOU CAN’T, YOU’RE RIGHT – HENRY FORD”
  182. “Only a brakeman can give you all his time”
  183. “Attempting to hoist casual conversation to medium talk”
  184. “I don’t make mistakes; I date them”
  185. “Often Unreliable Easily distract”
  186. “I can quote (Insert motion picture) superior to anything you and every one of your companions”
  187. “Every storm runs out of rain”
  188. “I’m only pretending to be me”
  189. “There shouldn’t be a fear of getting old It’s the fear of not getting there that scares me”
  190. “Hey there! Instagram is using my Internet Data Balance”
  191. “Take care of people who take care of you”
  192. “Pudding tastes better with a plastic spoon”
  193. “To unendingness and past”
  194. “Gifted napper, talker, and ice cream eater”
  195. “Late night conversations make you learn a lot about people”
  196. “I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook”
  197. “Putting’ the “euphoria” in ‘Advertising’s”
  198. “There’s no such thing as haziness, only a nonappearance of light”
  199. “Fabulous ends in “us” Coincidence? I think not”
  200. “Born at a very young age”
  201. “My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos and sweatpants”
  202. “I only use Instagram to stalk…”
  203. “IF IT’S A MILLION TO ONE SHOT, I’LL MAKE SURE I’M ONE”
  204. “WINNING ISN’T EVERYTHING, BUT WANTING TO WIN IS – VINCE LOMBARDI”
  205. “I’m a force to be reckoned with, I reckon”
  206. “Bio changed, just for the sake of changing it”
  207. “Buddy, can you paradigm?”
  208. “I am 10, on the pH scale, maybe Cuz I am basic”
  209. “Me fail English? That’s impossible”
  210. “You’re right I’m NOT perfect But I’m unique!”
  211. “Here to serve… the feline overlord”
  212. “This is my simple Chipotle dependent life”
  213. “being rich in monopoly”
  214. “Only a cupcake searching for a stud biscuit”
  215. ““F#%K It” – my final thought before making most decisions”
  216. “Real man stays dedicated to one girl”
  217. “YOU MISS 100% OF THE SHOTS YOU DON’T TAKE – WAYNE GRETZKY”
  218. “There shouldn’t be an apprehension of getting old It’s the apprehension of not arriving that alarms me”
  219. “Instagram cool effects allow me to wear expensive dresses without spending a penny, and I love it”
  220. “I trust one day I cherish something the route ladies in plugs love yogurt”
  221. “I smile because I have no idea what’s going on”
  222. “Present yourself with a beverage, put on some lipstick, and get a hold of yourself”
  223. “How we live our life is far more important than how we say we live our life”
  224. “I’m here because I can’t stand friends in Facebook”
  225. “Here to serve… the cat overlord”
  226. “The best of me is yet to come”
  227. “I favor my quips expected”
  228. “Web buff Devoted tv expert Entrepreneur Travel fanatic”
  229. “I still don’t understand Instagram, but here I am!”
  230. “I took a gander at my Instagram photographs and acknowledged I look delightful”
  231. “I once wheezed a beanie weenie through my nose I likewise made a stallion black out in Costa Rica”
  232. “Stop being in the Rat Race and start living your life”
  233. “Can I film you while you sleep? You’re so cute”
  234. “I’ve generally believed being famous on Instagram is as about as futile as being rich in syndication”
  235. “I’ve never been able to figure out this damn Twitter bio thing”
  236. “Currently featuring in my own particular reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes”
  237. “Marvelous closures in “us” occurrence? I think not”
  238. “Life is idiotic and I need to rest”
  239. “The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine””
  240. “Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee Coincidence? I think not”
  241. “May my haters live long to see my success”
  242. “Attempting to raise casual conversation to medium talk”
  243. “I am a performing artist and an essayist and I co-made my breakfast and my child, Malachai”
  244. “Sometimes there is no next time, no second chance and no time out Sometimes it is now or never”
  245. “It’s so simple to be wise Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it”
  246. “I hold the key to world piece, but somebody changed the lock!”
  247. “In the event that you don’t have anything decent to say, come sit by me, and we can ridicule individuals together”
  248. “I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around”
  249. “At last, I graduated……Now thermometer is not the only thing in the world having degrees without brains”
  250. “I’m going to inform my Bio but better you focus on your own”
  251. “When I miss you I re-read our old conversations and smile like an idiot”
  252. “This is mostly a Waluigi fan page—please adjust your expectations accordingly”
  253. “There are three kinds of people in this world, and I don’t like any of them”
  254. “THINK LIKE A QUEEN A QUEEN IS NOT AFRAID TO FAIL FAILURE IS ANOTHER STEPPING STONE TO GREATNESS —OPRAH”
  255. “Violently infancy and stuff”
  256. “By and large, the easy way out advances Likewise, I am great at parallel stopping”
  257. “OMG no one cares”
  258. “I think it’s weird if a girl doesn’t have an Instagram now days”
  259. “White lips, pale face, I detest the whole human race”
  260. “Just a cupcake looking for a stud muffin”
  261. “Simply continue swimming”
  262. “Contributing To Entropy Since 1992”
  263. “Age is an issue of mind over matter If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter”
  264. “Alone you can go fast Together you can go far”
  265. “Let go and let the world pass through your fingertips”
  266. “Probably the most talented TV binge watcher you’ll find”
  267. “You is thoughtful, you is shrewd, you is essential”
  268. “Currently working towards an MBA with an emphasis in fantasy football”
  269. “I am always loyal to those who are loyal to me”
  270. “I am definitely a morning person if morning starts from noon”
  271. “I’m not lazyI’m on energy saving mode”
  272. “I’m genuine and I trust some of my devotees are as well”
  273. “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor”
  274. “I have not lost my psyche – its went down on HD some place”
  275. “I’ve never been able to figure out this damn instagram bio thing”
  276. “*Insert your bio here*”
  277. “I’m a Basset Hound enthusiast with a mouth like a Syphilitic mariner”
  278. “Yesterday, I changed my WiFi password to “Hackitifyoucan”; today, someone changed it to “challenge accepted””
  279. “Awesome and does ask question, Awesome understands instantly”
  280. “If your life is all about screwing things and getting hammered, then congratulations, you’re a tool”
  281. “I shouldn’t be permitted to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m intoxicated!”
  282. “Be with someone who makes you laugh, when you don’t even like smiling”
  283. “I am an actor and a writer and I co-created my breakfast and my son, Malachai”
  284. “Our marriage is like work-shops I work and my wife shops!”
  285. “Yeah I’m Idiot”
  286. “There are no winners in life only survivors”
  287. “Are you a broker on the grounds that I’d like you to leave me a credit”
  288. “I’m cool, but global warming made me HOT”
  289. “Remarkable finishes in “us” fortuitous event? I think not”
  290. “Instagram cool effects allow me to wear expensive dresses without spending a penny, I love it”
  291. “Dream big (tiny font)”
  292. “I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation… Twice a year”
  293. “Knowledge is knowing what to dayWisdom is knowing whether to say it or not”
  294. “Living vicariously through myself”
  295. “Chase Dreams, Not girls”
  296. “I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe”
  297. “Born at a very new age”
  298. “I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class”
  299. “Currently living up to expectations towards a MBA with an accentuation in dream football”
  300. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings”

    Funny Instagram quote

  301. “The bags under my eyes belong to kaya west”
  302. “I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yoghurt”
  303. “I’m truly a monster cupcake Anxious about thrill rides and dry ice”
  304. “You have to sift through a lot of gold to find my dirt”
  305. “When Born was analogue, by design digital”
  306. “Whatever you decided to do, make sure it makes you happy”
  307. “Recommended by 4 out of 5 people who recommend things”
  308. “Die with memories, not dreams!”
  309. “*Insert your judgments here*”
  310. “If you’re reading this, then I’m already too late Humanity has reached its final days”
  311. “Just Swag young ladies are entranced by hashtags on the Facebook”
  312. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together”
  313. “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken”
  314. “I’m genuine and I trust some of my adherents are as well”
  315. “Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk”
  316. “Conceived at an exceptionally youthful age”
  317. “I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too”
  318. “Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel That’s why you have two hands”
  319. “It’s possible that I’m eating frosting with a spoon”
  320. “Remember that guy that gave up? Neither does no one else”
  321. “The word “B@@b” is the Perfect word The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view perfectly engineered!”
  322. “I’m truly a titan cupcake Perplexed about crazy rides and dry ice”
  323. “Knowledge is knowing what todayWisdom is knowing whether to say it or not”
  324. “I’m starting to like Instagram, which is weird because I hate pictures”
  325. “I’m fabulous I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of money, I’m a hoot and a half, and I got a killer rack”
  326. “Be a warrior, not a worrier”
  327. “Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoe”
  328. “Knowledge is like underclothing It is useful to have it but not essential to show it off”
  329. “Simple during childbirth, computerized by configuration”
  330. “Presently meeting expectations towards a MBA with an accentuation in dream football”
  331. “Think beyond practical boundaries (modest text style)”
  332. “If you can’t convince them, confuse them”
  333. “Great Samaritan, cleaned up competitor, particularly skilled napper”
  334. “I am certainly a morning person if morning starts from noon”
  335. “I only rap occasionally”
  336. “Presumably the best meat eater on the planet”
  337. “You can follow me if you feel like it You can also put peanut butter in your butthole, if you feel like it”
  338. “Chocolate doesn’t ask questions, chocolate understands”
  339. “I once sneezed a beanie weenie through my nose I also made a horse faint in Costa Rica”
  340. “The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality”
  341. “Here and there I simply need to surrender it all and turn into a good looking extremely rich person”
  342. “Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem”
  343. “You know your in adoration when you can’t nod off in light of the fact that the truth is at last better than your fantasies”
  344. “I love you with the breath, the smiles and the tears of all my life”
  345. “I’ve been waiting hours and I’ll be waiting for hours more, till my love arrives and my heart’s fulfilled”
  346. “Eating an entire apple center on the grounds that you can’t be tried setting off to the canister, let it out, you’ve done it”
  347. “The only person on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru”
  348. “I was dependent on hokey pokey yet I turned myself around”
  349. “Fewer friends, less drama Keep your circle small”
  350. “Where the damnation am I, and how could i have been able to I arrive?”
  351. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because the reality is finally better than your dreams”
  352. “I’m so good at sleeping; I can do it with my eyes closed”
  353. “3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that won’t cry, lips than won’t lie, and love that won’t die”
  354. “I’m your worst nightmare”
  355. “Super Cali pugilistic hot hella dopiness”
  356. “Have lots of hair and like ugly things”
  357. “I’m a Basset Hound devotee with a mouth like a Syphilitic mariner”
  358. “I used to act I also belly dance and eat Jolly Ranchers – not always at the same time though”
  359. “There’s no such thing as darkness, just an absence of light”
  360. “Is it bad I’m constantly craving either cupcakes or donuts?”
  361. “I am nice until you give a reason not to be”
  362. “Relationship Status: Looking For Wifi”
  363. “Please insert pretentious crap about myself here”
  364. “People call me ” Mike” But, you can call me tonight”
  365. “Super cali swagilistic hella dopeness”
  366. “You is kind, you is smart, you is important”
  367. “Nothing more than a man who cared enough to try”
  368. “Don’t hit kids!!! No, seriously, they have guns now”
  369. “Everything on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius”
  370. “Anybody knows my Instagram username not making another record once more”
  371. “I hate math, but I love counting money”
  372. “There shouldn’t be a trepidation of getting old It’s the apprehension of not arriving that frightens me”
  373. “I’ve generally believed being famous on Instagram is as about as futile as being rich in restraining infrastructure”
  374. “Are you a investor because I’d like you to leave me a loan?”
  375. “I recently gave up Warcraft so my productivity, and drinking, have increased dramatically”
  376. “I love deadlines I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by”
  377. “A bus station is where a bus stops A train station is where a train stops On my desk, I have a work station”
  378. “Presently featuring in my own world show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes”
  379. “Immaculate has 7 letters thus does meeeeee Fortuitous event? I think not”
  380. “I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt”
  381. “Looking for rest, rational soundness, & The Shire”
  382. “Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Blogger I’m very busy and awesome”
  383. “It does not matter who like us, we like us”
  384. “Life is imbecilic and I need to rest”
  385. “Spreading smiles like their herpes”
  386. “Glad supporter of untidy hair and warm up pants”
  387. “I looked at my Instagram photos and realized I look beautiful”
  388. “Why take a gander at the stars when the greatest star is me”
  389. “Error: Bio unavailable”
  390. “Life is too short Don’t waste it reading my Instagram bio…”
  391. “The packs under my eyes have a place with kaya west”
  392. “Winner of World’s Best Wife Award (Category: Nagging)”
  393. “Uncovered Frequently Unreliable Effectively distract”
  394. “It’s not me after Monday, Tuesday even calendar says WTF”
  395. “Amigo, would you be able to ideal model?”
  396. “I always learn from the mistakes of others who took my advice”
  397. “To be brave is to love unconditionally without expecting anything in return”
  398. “Recovering ice cream addict”
  399. “Making History”
  400. “Don’t get a woman, get a dog… They are loyal and they die sooner”
  401. “On the off chance that I could whole up my life in one line I would pass on of humiliation”
  402. “I Can’t recall who I stole my bio from or why”
  403. “At times I simply need to surrender it all and turn into a nice looking uber-rich person”
  404. “A lie is just a great story ruined by truth”
  405. “This is my last Instagram bio ever”
  406. “A Caffeine subordinate living thing”
  407. “Will indicate lower leg for five minutes of remote”
  408. “You’re too rad to be sad”
  409. “LIFE IS 10% WHAT HAPPENS TO ME AND 90% OF HOW I REACT TO IT – CHARLES SWINDOLL”
  410. “I shouldn’t be allowed to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m drunk!”
  411. “I will be back before you pronounce afjkhnfknluancakhufhjcnk”
  412. “I have good news and bad news to tell you The bad news is that I don’t have any good news The good news is that I don’t have any bad news”
  413. “Instagram bio is loading…”
  414. “Spreading smiles like they’re herpes”
  415. “I prefer my puns intended”
  416. “I absolutely hate Instagram and anything else having to do with hashtags”
  417. “The world is better when you have someone to share with”
  418. “Strangely, every girl I talk to falls in love Just not with me”
  419. “A Nomad in search for the perfect burger Do not judge me before you know me, but just to inform you, you won’t like me”
  420. “Try to raise small talk to medium talk here”
  421. “My pastimes are breakfast, lunch, and supper”
  422. “Buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousandaire”
  423. “Knowledge is like underwear, important to have, but not necessary to show off”
  424. “Kindly embed grandiose poo about myself here”
  425. “I know I left my sanity around here somewhere”
  426. “Be with someone who does not make you want to check your phone”
  427. “Making the Snuggie look good since 2009”
  428. “Insert pretentious stuff about myself here”
  429. “Just a man who sufficiently minded to attempt”
  430. “God is really creative, I mean just look at me”
  431. “Goodness I’m sad was my backtalk a lot for you?”
  432. “Why look up the stars at night while the brightest and biggest star is me”
  433. “DO WHAT YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART TO BE RIGHT, FOR YOU’LL BE CRITICIZED ANYWAY – ELEANOR ROOSEVELT”
  434. “Have loads of hair and like revolting things”
  435. “I hold the key to world peace, but somebody changed the lock!”
  436. “Wifi, Food, my bed, and Perfection”
  437. “Buoyant, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousand ire”
  438. “Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch them off”
  439. “Only Swag girls are fascinated by hashtags on the Facebook”
  440. “The person you love is 728% water”
  441. “Embed affected stuff about myself here”
  442. “In the event that I could entirety up my life in one line I would kick the bucket of shame”
  443. “White lips, pale face, I hate the entire human race”
  444. “When nothing seems right…go left!!”
  445. “Each tempest comes up short on downpour”
  446. “Life is too short Don’t waste it copying my Bio”
  447. “Of course, I’m not perfect; there’s a crack in my a$$”
  448. “I didn’t find out what happiness means until I got married… and then it was too late”
  449. “Aggressively infancy and stuff”
  450. “Car, house, or trip to Thailand? Let’s pack our bags”

    Funny Instagram quote

  451. “Whenever I have a problem, I sing Then I realize my voice is worse than my problem”
  452. “All you trendy people need to quit wearing Nirvana shirts in the event that you don’t even hear them out”
  453. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do”
  454. “Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot”
  455. “Guest-starred in Frasier S6E8: “The Seal Who Came to Dinner” You’re welcome”
  456. “My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos and warm up pants”
  457. “I talk like a child and I never pay for beverages”
  458. “Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener”
  459. “Think about doing something than doing someone!”
  460. “You see that blue follow button? I’d tap that!”
  461. “When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…”
  462. “TO ANYONE THAT EVER TOLD YOU YOU’RE NO GOOD… THEY’RE NO BETTER —HAYLEY WILLIAMS”
  463. “Mermaids don’t do homework”
  464. “Uncovered Regularly Unreliable Effectively distract”
  465. “I’m here to stay away from companions on Facebook”
  466. “I have not lost my brain – its moved down on HD some place”
  467. “I have Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook I guess that makes me an instant twit face”
  468. “Choose you woman wisely she represents you”
  469. “They call you lucky, but they have no idea how hard you worked”
  470. “Stay faithful or stay single”
  471. “I can quote (Insert movie) better than you and all your friends”
  472. “You are kind, you are smart, you are important”
  473. “Once you choose hope, anything’s possible”
  474. “Light, waggish, adequate, inexhaustible, demagogic, friendly showcasing friend, independent thousandths”
  475. “I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them”
  476. “I’m not lazy I’m on energy saving mode”
  477. “Absolutely awkward, proudest of nerd & geek, decreaser of world sucking”
  478. “That clumsy minute you get acknowledged to all the schools you applied for”
  479. “I’m not smart I just wear glasses”
  480. “Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper”
  481. “Time is precious Waste it wisely”
  482. “Are you a banker because I’d like you to leave me a loan?”
  483. “I’ve always thought being popular on Instagram is as about as useless as being rich in monopoly”
  484. “If you quit now What were you even fighting for?”
  485. “That cool moment when I feel proud…when a girl asks “Are you on Instagram?”
  486. “I wonder what happens when the doctor’s wife eats an apple a day…”
  487. “I’m not certain what number of issues I have on the grounds that math is one of them”
  488. “I believe its irregular if a young lady doesn’t have an Instagram now days”
  489. “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m an 11”
  490. “I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect’ That way, when I forget, it reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect’”
  491. “None of my friends know who Goku is”
  492. “Where am I and who brought me here”
  493. “When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year & a half”
  494. “When we met there was romance in the air, a sense of the world stopping still”
  495. “The fat on my body is designer”
  496. “Have heaps of hair and like appalling things”
  497. “My mother told me not to talk to strangers I never talk to myself, anymore”
  498. “Are you a broker in light of the fact that I’d like you to leave me a credit”
  499. “God bless this hot mess”
  500. “To endlessness and past”
  501. “too weird to live, too rare to die”
  502. “Normally and falsely seasoned”
  503. “Mama said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get”
  504. “I am an on-screen character and an essayist and I co-made my breakfast and my child, Malachai”
  505. “The only thing stopping me from being pure white trash is my lack of motivation”
  506. “Nothing motivates you more than the fear or regret”
  507. “Just another paper cut survivor”
  508. “I haven’t been myself ever since I was born”
  509. “I am like a lion and a wolf I have a big heart and power of leadership”
  510. “I’m a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth like a Syphilitic sailor”
  511. “I work for money, for loyalty hire a Dog”
  512. “To infinity and beyond”
  513. “I’m beginning to like Instagram, which is unusual on the grounds that I loathe pictures”
  514. “Putting’ the “happiness” in ‘Advertising’s”
  515. “Bald Often Unreliable Easily distract”
  516. “Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously, a girl because it won’t let you finish”
  517. “Full transformation online to a cuddly warm and happy life”
  518. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
  519. “Professional procrastinator”
  520. “I haven’t seen a sunrise in so long I joined instagram”
  521. “Words can’t express my affection & energy for Fridays!”
  522. “I am not on Instagram Go do something useful”
  523. “Knowledge is like underwear It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off”
  524. “When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you”
  525. “I am returning to face the truth that an ordinary day is not lager on the shoreline or calamari in the tummy”
  526. “A man of riddle and force, whose force is surpassed just by his secret”
  527. “My life is about as composed as the $5 DVD container at Wal-Mart”
  528. “Would someone be able to let me know my Instagram username I bolted myself out and I don’t realize what to do”
  529. “I wish I knew when my Domino’s pizza would arrive”
  530. “Normally and falsely enhanced”
  531. “It is truly difficult to be waiting for something that you know may never come to pass, however, it is even harder to give up on something that you really want”
  532. “That cool moment when I feel proud when a girl asks Are you on Instagram?”
  533. “I’m really a giant cupcake Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice”
  534. “One person’s LOL is another person’s WTF”
  535. “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together”
  536. “I Can’t recollect who I stole my bio from or why”
  537. “Gracious I’m sad was my backtalk a lot for you?”
  538. “Outdoors is plans”
  539. “Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words”
  540. “Always give your 100%, unless you’re donating blood”
  541. “Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?”
  542. “All you hipsters need to stop wearing Enlightenment shirts if you don’t even listen to them”
  543. “Putting’ the ‘elation’ in ‘Public Relations’”
  544. “Die with memoirs not dreams”
  545. “Not the guy she told you not to worry about”
  546. “BAE: Bacon And Eggs”
  547. “All you fashionable people need to quit wearing Nirvana shirts on the off chance that you don’t even hear them out”
  548. “Suggested by 4 out of 5 individuals that suggest things”
  549. “I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks”
  550. “I’m not special, I’m just limited edition”

    Funny Instragram quote

  551. “Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?”
  552. “I am so poor, I can’t even pay attention”
  553. “I still remember the days, I prayed for the things I have now”
  554. “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15”
  555. “I will go into survival mode if tickled”
  556. “Can bob the builder fix my bad attitude?”
  557. “What the hell is this Instagram I see this food everywhere on the Facebook and have no idea how to eat it?”
  558. “I have Good News and Bad Newscast to tell you The Bad News is I don’t have Good News to tell you And the Decent News is I don’t have Bad News for you”
  559. “I put the whine in wine”
  560. “I do yoga sometimes, drink sometimes, party sometimes, and study rarely”
  561. “I am a gentleman, and I am a Patient wolf”
  562. “Why would I ever leave the house when there’s Netflix and ice cream waiting for me”
  563. “A Caffeine dependent life-form”
  564. “I’m actually not funny I’m just really mean and people think I am joking”
  565. “A human Being”
  566. “No one is you, and that is your power”
  567. “Keep rolling your eyes Maybe, one day, you’ll find a brain back there”
  568. “Spent a large portion of my life eating Will do the same in the next life”
  569. “That awkward moment when fails to recognize your own photo on the Instagram”
  570. “All you hipsters need to stop wearing Nirvana shirts if you don’t even listen to them”
  571. “My life was changed by a train”
  572. “There is never a time or place for true love It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment”
  573. “There’s no such thing as dimness, only an unlucky deficiency of light”
  574. “I am not a player…I’m the game”
  575. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door”
  576. “The main individual on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social networking master”
  577. “EDUCATION COSTS MONEY BUT THEN SO DOES IGNORANCE – SIR CLAUS MOSER”
  578. “Bio under construction…check back soon!”
  579. “Please don’t forget to smile”
  580. “These are the days we live”
  581. “Who else are you going to follow? Really?”
  582. “Someday, there’s going to be an updated version of me”
  583. “I have not lost my mind – it’s backed up on HD somewhere”
  584. “I did not choose you, my heart did”
  585. “Unequivocally awkward, proudest of nerd & geek, decrease of world sucking”
  586. “CGPA available for adoption – Can’t raise it myself”
  587. “I need a six month holiday, twice a year”
  588. “I believe its unusual if a young lady doesn’t have an Instagram now days”
  589. “This isn’t rocket science, you take a photo of brunch and you hashtag #yolo #sundayfunday”
  590. “I have this new theory that human adolescence doesn’t end until your early thirties”
  591. “Let Fools Chase The World I only want you”
  592. “I completely loathe Instagram, and whatever else needing to do with hashtags”
  593. “I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks”
  594. “Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire”
  595. “The fat on my body is planner”
  596. “Light travels faster than sound That’s why people appear bright until they speak”
  597. “Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition”
  598. “Eating a whole apple core because you can’t be bothered going to the bin, admit it, you’ve done it”
  599. “I’m done with my dinner when I’ve had my dessert”
  600. “I used to act I additionally hip twirl and eat Jolly Ranchers – not generally in the meantime however”
  601. “Nice guys finish lunch”
  602. “Spreading grins like they’re herpes”
  603. “I took a gander at my Instagram photographs and acknowledged I look excellent”
  604. “Don’t think you’re a pro photographer just because you use the lazy services of Instagram”
  605. “Exercise, exercise, ex…arcise, eggs are sides, for BACON!”
  606. “S P E C T A C U L A R V E R N A C U L A R”
  607. “I put the hot in psychotic”
  608. “My social security number is hidden in every single image I’ve ever posted”
  609. “You can’t fix stupid, no matter how much duct tape you use over their mouth!”
  610. “Naturally and artificially flavored”
  611. “My relationship status? Netfl ix, Oreos and sweatpants”
  612. “Light, waggish, effectual, inexhaustible, demiurgic, friendly advertising buddy, independent thousandaire”
  613. “Chocolate doesn’t make inquiries, chocolate gets it”
  614. “There I joined Instagram Happy now?”
  615. “I’m not savvy I simply wear glasses”
  616. “My distractions are breakfast, lunch, and supper”
  617. “Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless”
  618. “Nominated for the best wife of all time; Category: Paranoid”
  619. “Hey There If you do not have anything nice to say about people, come beside me let’s talk bad together”
  620. “Flawless has 7 letters thus does meeeeee Incident? I think not”
  621. “A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery”
  622. “How beautiful if the sun is replaced by moon”

Wrapping up

So that concludes the Bonkers About Tech guide to the funniest Instagram bios!  If you know of any bios that you think are even funnier, let me know and I'll add them to this monstrous list!

It would be good actually if you could let me know your favorite in the comments, my personal favorite is “I can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why” :)

If this post has made your creative juices flow or you just found them funny, then please share on Facebook and Twitter.  Maybe you have friends that have boring bios, if that's the case, let them know and send this post to them, they may even get more followers as a result!

Cheers!


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